As the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic approaches, new shocking evidence has surfaced that a racist vendetta was at the epicenter of the disaster.
NBC News is about to release a mostly unedited Morse Code transcript of messages between the Newfoundland Emergency Operator and the Titanic’s Captain, George White, moments before the fatal altercation:
Operator: Newfoundland SOS, what is your emergency?
Titanic: This is George White, skipper of the Titanic. I’m on neighborhood watch in the North Atlantic. It’s dark out and I think I see an iceberg.
Operator: An iceberg? Can you describe it?
Titanic: It’s big…. there’s no moon out tonight… It looks black!
President Barack Obama:
“This is evidence of a GOP ‘War on Ice,’ which is an attempt to exacerbate global warming. We can’t allow the forces aligned with Big Coal to sabotage our invest-ments in newest sailing technologies, such as wind.”
VP Joe Biden:
“NOW I know why Herbert Hoover was laughing when he announced this disaster on television!”
It is believed the enraged White, who happened to be white, pursued the iceberg instead of turning the ship to avoid it as the operator suggested. The situation deteriorated quickly and within hours, the Titanic had sunk taking with it thousands of passengers, many of them wealthy people who deserved it.
White’s defenders will probably argue that it is almost impossible to turn a large vessel quickly and the confrontation was unfortunate but unavoidable. However, the historical record indicates White was driving the ship too fast and was in an area it shouldn’t have been in to begin with, as other neighborhood watch craft in the area had broadcast iceberg sightings earlier in the evening.
It is likely that White, harboring deep-seated hatred for ice, deliberately sought out a large iceberg in an attempt to provoke a quarrel and incite violence.
Experts fear the new revelations will lead to an anti-ice backlash and warn against citizens refusing ice in their drinks or de-frosting refrigerators too often in a display of disrespect to the iceberg community.
Reaction from other concerned parties to the new evidence has been swift and pointed.
NYC Mayor Bloomberg:
“We must increase government ship controls. Most of the ship disasters in New York Harbor are caused by ships from other places, and this terror ship was heading for New York as well. In fact, the only way to protect people from sinking is to lock them in their houses. They can come out when I say it’s safe to come out.”
Special Prosecutor Angela Corey:
“I intend to charge White with second-degree ice-breaking as soon as I can rent a scuba tank.”
DPRK Leader Kim Jung Un:
“At least when we launch stuff, it hits the water, not icebergs.”
The late Ted Kennedy, speaking through a psychic:
“I have a piece of advice for White: publicly support pro-ice causes and then you can make chopped ice whenever you want in your private life.”
Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton:
Have announced plans to charter boats and picket the site of the fatal encounter, and Spike Lee vowed to tweet the location to all his followers as soon as someone relays to him the exact point in the Pacific Ocean where the ship sunk.
The People’s media will have more on this story as
we develop it develops.